What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 01:38
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So whats the point in blame.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why am I sweating so much at night even though my room is really cold?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But, we were locked up after school.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He resisted the act ,that day.
What are some common lies that addicts may tell themselves?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i lived it daily.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So, i spoilt her more .
What do you do you do if your motorcycle chain snaps while riding on the highway?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What kind of book did you write after turning 55?
She married twice! .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why do I want to be caught sucking dick by my wife?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I said to her
What defines the k'vanna of the Book of בראשית?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It has been said that people with ADHD can often hyperfocus. Can that be an advantage?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
What are 5 ways that can be done by the community to improve the public transport system?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What is one thing you've learned from life?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was in good health!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I have BPD. Why do I destroy everyone I love?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is soul school!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Ive learnt so much.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was seconnd youngest,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I couldn’t, believe it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I waited trembling.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I write beautiful poetry .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
All the time i was locked up.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was very sick at this time too.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We all went to grammer schools
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was 9 years of age.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was scared of men, in general
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot live in the past .
But it wasn’t much.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
What did i know ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I will be 64.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It was going to be , some day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Especially a lifetime of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
(And it was in our own minds.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My life is so biszare .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im still living with it.
Comes on , in middle age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Would this be the day?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She found it foreign!.
I think the readers, may guess!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Who then, do I blame.?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I don,t even have a pension.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I have no regrets .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She loved him until the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
Was to survive, this bastard.